Toddler Parenting Hack for Curing the “Terrible Twos”

As we started getting closer and closer to two, we didn’t think that our perfect, sweet little boy was going to be like “everyone else’s kid” and start throwing tantrums. He was perfect. I was certain we were perfect parents and we were just the lucky ones. We never thought we would even need a parenting hack because our baby was perfect. Of course, every age comes with new trials and challenges, but we have always managed to find a way to get through. 

When I became a mom, I was set on gentle parenting with rules. I was certain I was never going to lose my temper and yell, spank or do anything other than communicate. So what the heck was I supposed to do when my toddler is yanking my hair, screaming at me, crying, refusing to listen, and just a big “no” monster? 

And just like that, the terrible twos hit and I finally understood what everyone was talking about. With the new age and freedom that our kiddos are experiencing, they are also learning their power of choice. But that doesn’t always mean their choices are the right ones or the safe ones. And the only “toddler parenting hack” I knew from growing up was to throw them in a corner and make them stare at the wall or give them a spanking. Both of which I did not want to do. 

As parents, it's our job to make those decisions and teach our kids along the way until they can make those choices for themselves. 

But, we needed help…

In this post, I will be sharing the toddler parenting hack that cured the terrible twos for us practically overnight. 

My husband and I decided that desperate times called for desperate measures. Nobody else our age has kids and other parents disciplined in ways that I didn’t feel were right for us. 

So, we went to a parenting counselor. Yes, a counselor just for parents. And it was life changing. 

He explained to us a few basic things. 

#1 Children don’t like to be alone. They want to be part of the family and do what mommy and daddy are doing and don’t want to be left out. 

#2 No matter how many times you communicate or keep your patience with your child, sometimes they cannot overcome the overwhelming amount of emotions that they feel by themselves. 

#3 Children look at their parents as a safe space and someone they can trust. We want to remain a safe space for them to communicate with and not make them feel scared of us. 

So, we took this advice and devised a plan with him…. We would create a family rule that everyone had to follow. 

The Rule: We are a family that uses communication to solve our problems.  If anyone in the family (mommy, daddy, or kiddos) cannot keep it together and is being irrational and unable to communicate how they feel, we need to go to our room (or a separate space if we are not home like the car) and come out when we feel better and can calmly talk about what happened. 

And this rule goes for anyone in the family….. Yes, even mom and dad… Best parenting hack ever! 

The reason for this is that we want to lead by example for our kids and it’s not fair that mommy and daddy get to yell or be mean or cause a fight but the kids can’t. 

And I also don’t want to set that kind of example for our kids or fight in front of them. They are little and we are their whole world.

There we were in the kitchen at breakfast time. Screaming and crying because he wanted to eat the yogurt out of the shared container we all were trying to use. Refusing to eat. Throwing himself on the ground crying. Let’s try it out…… 

So, we tell him, “(Name,) we are going to go to your room until you can stop crying and we can eat breakfast together and talk calmly about what is happening.” 

Of course, he did not want to go to his room. So, we picked him up and put him on his rug in the center of his room.  

I told him that he could come out when he was done crying and was ready to talk, but he had to stay there until he was done. 

The key is to not get angry and tell him in a matter-of-fact kind of way. Honestly, at this point, I really didn’t think it was going to work at all. 

I walked out of the room and resumed making breakfast. And he came running out of his room screaming at the top of his lungs about the yogurt. 

So, I took him right back into his room and did the same thing again. Now, I really didn’t think this was going to work. He was just going to keep running right out and not stay there. But, I decided to give it a try. And I walked back to the kitchen to make breakfast. 

I could hear him crying and crying and then he stopped crying a few minutes later….. But he was still sitting there….. Just on the floor….. In his room…. Pouting… I was shocked! 

He sat there for about 15 minutes and came out giggling and smiling telling me about some toy in his room. I was staring at him in disbelief. He went back into his chair and ate his yogurt I left on the table. Happy as could be. The next morning he ate happily. I felt like I struck gold. 

That week, we only had to do this a total of 3 times, and we went an entire month before another tantrum happened. Now, we barely have them ever. He doesn’t want to be alone and removed from the group.

What to do when it is YOUR turn….

Eventually, a few weeks later, I was being real cranky with my husband. I snapped at him and was hangry and being a bitch. So, my son was watching me and grabbed me by the hand and said “mommy go to room.” 

I looked at him shocked like did he really say that to me….? Yes, he did. 

And that was the RULE. I couldn’t break it. 

He walked me to my room and told me to sit down and that he would be back. And I did sit there. At this point, I wasn’t even cranky anymore and I was honestly trying not to laugh because I had a two year old bossing me around. 

He came back about one minute later and I told him I was feeling better and would apologize to daddy for being mean and eat some food. And, I did just that. And everyone was happy again. 

To tell you the truth, it works on adults too.

The Toddler Tantrum Parenting Hack Plan: 

1. Have them go to their room and sit there until they feel better and then they can come out 
2. Be calm, patient, and be assertive but not mean or yelling 
3. Reassure them that you love them and they can come out when they are all done (crying, hitting, throwing things, screaming, etc…) 
4. Take them back to their room as many times as needed if they come out “not-ready” 
5. Reassure them each time of when they can come out and that you love them 
6. If they come out happy and talking to you about something else, talk to them about that 
7. If they come out serious, talk to them about what happened and ask if they feel better and would like to resume (whatever it is that you were doing) 
8. If it starts again, have them go back to their room 
9. Repeat as needed 

When you aren’t at home and a meltdown happens, the best place to go is the car. You might have to get up from dinner and walk with your child to the car or carry them crying the whole way… but it will be worth it in the end. 

We only ever had to do this one time, and now our toddler doesn’t want to do it so he keeps it together. 

You can put them in their carseat with the air conditioning on and stand outside the door or open the trunk and sit on the back. You will use the same reassurance and let them know that they can come out when they are all done. 

If you are not near your car or can’t use your car, you can have them isolated but in sight and not too far away. If you are at a restaurant, you can go outside and find a bench or chair that is a little bit away from others and stand 10 feet away. You can tell them we can go back and eat when you feel better and stop crying or whatever it is that is happening. 

Try this out and see how it goes. After all, it is a lot better to try it out and it doesn’t work than continuously screaming or getting overwhelmed with your toddler. This is the best parenting hack that I have learned so far!